Saturday, April 02, 2005

The Trials of Stuart Kerrigan, Part One

So today was the big day and already I have a list of problems to take up with the Lettings Co...

1) Try as I might I cannot seem to light the boiler for heating and hot water. The flat is therefore really cold and I have just bought a tiny electric heater (which I didn't have a screwdriver to put together so is really makeshift...)

2) The power closet smells of gas. Not strongly, but not faintly either.

3) No wheelie bin - every other flat has one, but I do not.

4) I have no key for the backdoor. The one left in the lock doesn't seem to work.

5) Most disturbingly - the flat has 2 fridges in the kitchen. The first one worked fine when switched on, the second one fizzed, frazzled and blew smoke throughout the kitchen. Not impressed.

6) The microwave interior puts Hammer Horror films to shame.

7) The phone doesn't work. It's plugged in, but despite there being no power plug it doesnae work.

That's before I upload the photo of the panties on the pin board.

I have to say this weekend has been probably the most bleak point in my move to Leicester. Fortunately the flat is 10 minutes from the centre so when things get too much I go shopping!

3 comments:

Mare said...

TIPS FOR CLEANING:

Baby wipes will shift anything (think about what they were designed for)

microwave a bowl of water with 1/2 a lemon in. It will soften anything nasty glued to the interior making it easier to shift.

white vinegar is also excellent for scrubbing through mank, but does make your house smell of chips.

OTHER ISSUES:

Dude your fridge should not be going on fire. Complain to the letting agency.

You may just need to leave phone on to charge? And connect to a phone company?

You can smell gas? For the love of God get that seen to pronto. Don't need you exploding your house and being pegged as a Scottish Liberation Front member.

AND FINALLY...

Where are the photos of the famous pants?

steve said...

SOME TIPS:

Be sure to use a naked flame for light while investigating your gas leak. This will also immediately solve your problem of the flat being too cold.

You have two fridges: one periodically goes on fire, the other is fine. The solution is simple - store the one that goes on fire INSIDE the working model, thus cooling its firey temperament.

You have no wheelie bin, but don't despair - a cheap alternative can easily be made. Attach two saucers (the 'wheels') to an old bucket (the 'bin'). Then you can practice being a wheelie bin owner, filling the bucket with your refuse, and wheeling your 'wheelie' around the flat for hours at a time. This will also keep loneliness at bay, for you have created not only a wheelie bin, but a friend for life.

Stuart Kerrigan said...

Ok Steve - that's enough of your help. :)