Thursday, June 08, 2006

A Death Mark's Not An Easy Thing To Live With

I received a letter from Leicester Council informing me that I hadn't paid any council tax in 2005 when I lived in the Dump, Ullswater Street, and that since I was doing my civic duty and trying to pay it now I had reminded them they could potentially ring some more money out of me. Quite a bit in fact given it was a 5 bedroom house I stayed in.

The fact that I was a student until September 2005 has once again slipped their mind and they were now at the call "Boba Fett" stage of proceedings, much like they were the time they had all the details correct other than who was living in the damn dump. So rather than be encased in carbonite and used to lure a chum into a disasterous sabre duel in the bowels of Leicester I thought it would be a fine idea to give them a ring.

There's nothing more soul destroying than dealing with councils in any fashion. Their hotline consists of the following gems repeated over and over with the obligatory lift-classics music.

"You are number 5 in the queue."

"If you have missed a payment you are an unremitting debtor and there is nothing we can do about it other than make things worse."

"You will not get to speak to a manager or team leader. Only a poor peon earning £5 an hour. That's all you deserve as you are scum."

I managed to placate the minion I eventually got through to, I didn't even have to pay them triple. It turned out after threatening me they cancelled the request for dosh. Councils are a hive of confusion and villainy, be careful.

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