Talk Like a Pirate Day Tomorrow

Thanks to the Slacker, who's taste in pointless movies clearly exceeds my own.



However, even more pointless is Wench Swap...

Chad Vader Episode 3

Chad Vader Episode 3 - not quite as funny as the other two, but still funny. However I think Chad should get his revenge on Clint soon!

Phone of Doom

It's official - Carphonewarehouse.com suck for getting a cheap mobile phone on contract. And I should stop moving. Remember the fiasco of getting a newphone?

It was an Orange phone - £5.99 a month (via the convoluted route of cashback), for 12 months. On a 12 month contract. Brill I thought - cheap calls and half price cinema tickets on the Wednesday, so I immediately ordered it and cancelled my existing contract (which is now ending next week). I was muttering that there'd be a slight overlap of a month where I'd be paying for two months, but that was better than rushing at the last minute.

Naturally after about a week or two of waiting for the promised three day delivery, tracking the order online and seeing it clearly labelled "Order Being Processed", emailing to see what this meant exactly I phoned up and was told the credit check had failed. I suspect it's yet another consequence of moving though I definitely put myself on the electoral register for my flat.

Last year, when I was in the same pickle, I went in the store and got the whole mess straightened out - though it became rapidly apparent to me that the Carphone Warehouse works on commission, as the woman lost interest in helping me pass the credit checks once I told her I didn't want a phone from the shop, I just wanted the deal on the web.

Anyroads, deciding the muppets on the phone, who put me onto 3 different departments, were no use I went into their shop on Sunday. Unfortunately no matter how he input my address, Orange didn't like me. Curiously O2 with their more expensive contracts did. So in a nutshell I didn't pass the credit check for a cheap phone, but I could have a more expensive one. I've now ordered a marginally more expensive O2 phone (£10 a month) online, but I'm not holding my breath.

Dork Dungeons

A long time ago in a country not so far away (America) a very angry man named Jack Chick wrote a very angry comic about roleplaying and its effect on the youth of then. It was called Dark Dungeons, and I have a genuine copy of this little pamphlet in Dundee. Then a bunch of dudes reworked it to be a little more realistic, and it became Dork Dungeons.

The link above has both comics. The vengeful Christian comic is the one on the (where else) extreme right (of your screen), the Geek one is the left.

McGann Returns

Paul McGann is back as the Doctor (in more radio drama only sadly), but this time it's being exclusively put on BBC 7 rather than available on CD first.

It's due to be broadcast on BBC 7 at Christmas. McGann's new companion is Lucie Miller played by Sheridan Smith. Guest stars included Kenneth Cranham, Anita Dobson, Una Stubbs, Bernard Cribbins, Stephen Gately, Clare Buckfield, Ian McNeice, Elspet Gray, Timothy West, Nerys Hughes, Nigel Havers, Julia McKenzie, Tom Chadbon, Roy Marsden and Nickolas Grace. There seems to be a further recurring character called Headhunter played by Katarina Olssen (who occasionally doubles with another role, suggesting something a bit Sirens of Time.

There are six stories - two 2-parters, four 1 part, all 50 minutes. The first is a Steve Lyons Dalek tale - Blood of the Daleks, great title. 2 parts. The end is a 2 part Cyber story by Eddie Robson. Other plays by Paul Magrs (with the wonderful title Horror of Glam Fock) Jonathan Clements and Paul Sutton.

Paul McGann vs Angie from Eastenders and the Sheriff from Robin of Sherwood? You can bet your fern I'll be listening again (or trying to record the mp3s).

The original McGann run was fantastic but the posh companion began to grate after 3 seasons (ironic given my complaining about dat Rose chav innit?). It held my interest until they did the 40th anniversary special, Zagreus, which was incoherent to say the least. Then they picked up the most dull lifeless second companion ever - C'Rizz, a chameleonic humanoid (how great it was to have a character who could change colour on a radio drama).

Anyone got a skateboard?

Work continues to be interesting, with Best. Meeting. Ever. when B. totally flipped out not just at us, but the bosses as well over a discussion on (what else?) manning our help desk for the upcoming term. They made the mistake of explicitly saying they thought the door should be open so students could come in, which he seemed to dislike. The boss actually had to tell him to grow up and that our new HoD won't take any crap.

What is more amusing is the new timetables at the uni are in, and this year I'm doing quite a bit of lecturing - weighing in at around 40 hours in 10 weeks - which is good. What is not so good is my timetabling for 30 of those 40 hours.

11:30am I am in the Bennett Building teaching Computer Systems and architecture (i.e. how a computer works).
12:30pm I am in the Engineering Building teaching wordprocessing and spreadsheets.
13:30pm I am racing back to the Bennett Building to teach Computer Systems and architecture again.

As these buildings are on the opposite ends of campus I will be the one on a skateboard or rollerskates with the "I Hate Mondays" t-shirt on. Seriously however I am planning on buying a bike and cycling in on the cold months, so this gives me 2 reasons. Plus I think I'll be prepping my brace of lectures at home on Monday mornings in the relative warmth of my palatial mansion.

More Photos

I've uploaded more photos to the photo album, including the Sci Fi Weekend at the Space Centre, more fencing stuff, some morris dancing, and a few miscellanious piccies I don't know what to do with.

Anyone Spot the Remixes?

Respect...

Stuff I Like: Highlander the TV Show

Best title sequence on the TV show (it went through quite a few)... though I'm quite numb to the Queen song by now.



Too bad having 2 Macleods in the same universe meant "there could be only one" and that it had to end this way:-

Stuff I Like: American Gothic

American Gothic is a creepy Twin Peaksesque show set in the deep south of the States, in a creepy town called Trinity. Chief among the residents there is Sheriff Lucas Buck, a man with seemingly infernal powers that most of Trinity seem to be indebted to in some fashion.

The bulk of the show involves him trying to corrupt his illegitimate son Caleb, who it seems stands to inherit his dad's legacy - something he's none too pleased about given he says, "The sheriff's after me - he says he's my daddy". However Caleb has protectors in the form of his cousin, the local doctor and even the ghost of his dead autistic half-sister.

This series was awesome, so naturally for crimes against the mediocrity that is required in American television it was cancelled after only 1 season, ending with a rushed ending. It also suffered from having episodes shown in the wrong order, which is a bad idea as it had plenty of arcs that went on episode to episode. However I managed to track down the DVD of its one and only season so am raving about how great this show was. Even if the episodes are in the wrong order on the discs!

Addendum - watching this show is fun. I must've been 16 or so when I saw it, but the Sheriff's unique powers seem more blatant now than they did to me 10 years ago. He's blatantly teleporting around Trinity, which is why he's in almost every scene to get the last word. Heck in one of the episodes he even morphs into another character.

Also - it's a Sam Raimi show so naturally Bruce Campbell guest stars, as does the Raimi brother who played Joxter. Neither Raimite does particularly well in Trinity though.

Another Musical Post

I'm not normally one to inflict my (lack of) musical taste on the masses but I tend to like atmospheric soundtracks rather than pop. Anyroads these guys are awesome and will be joining my CD collection soon. Rlyeh Rising is especially nice.

Snakes In Leicester

Not really much to report. Back in Leicester for over a week with not too much excitement to report.

While oop north I visited numerous folks up in Dundee and saw almost everyone. Others were once again too busy all weekend and cancelled on the few days they could do anything on (probably because the days end in "y"). Doubtless they're too busy with important stuff during their holiday season and despite their protests that they wish I was back up here permanently, I think I'd probably see even less of them if I did. Did get to see My Super-Ex and the Lady in the Water, which was good and has earned me a free copy of Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy on DVD, and have a sundae in Vissochi's.

And be hassled by my landlords who in my absence decided to turn my flat into a Bett's showroom by phoning me at 5:30pm to ask if it was ok to show propsective buyers around the next day. After I told them not to let anyone in as I was on holiday for two weeks and didn't want people being shown round until I could get home and tidy up they switched from phoning to sending letters to the flat. Neat. Though this week I've had no such 'visits'.

I've been back and have started preparing for all my lecturing in October- there's so much to read I've started working from home to get away from all the distractions. And playing Oblivion a lot - which isn't really helping matters.

I also finally got to see the amazing Snakes on a Plane - awesome B-Movie action. Samuel L. Jackson seemed to be having fun - but I think these other guys could've been in it as well:-



Apparently there's a film called Snakes on a Train - a straight to DVD outfit. For shame Hollywood!

Anyway back to work - the washing machine just made a loud popping sound and cut off its electricity in mid-wash. Not good.

We Get Rhapsodic Signal

If you were paying attention you'll appreciate this...

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

"All Your Base Are Belong To Us" is an internet phenomenon based on the game Zero Wing, a Japanese game console translated into English by a primitive form of Altavista's Babblefish. The introduction with its great dialog shows this perfectly:-



and has inspired numerous spoofs:-



Ha ha ha ha!

Stuff I Like: Ultima

Everybody's heard of Ultima Online no doubt - the first big massive multiplayer online rpg (or MMORPG). However Ultima is used as little more than a brand name these days, the original series of games (which are for the most part excellent) are often eclipsed by the popularity of the online cash cow.

Ultima began in the days when people wrote computer games in their bedrooms and sold them via mailorder on those things they call cassettes. Richard Garriott, an Austin-based roleplayer and computer geek with the handle "Lord British" created a Dungeons and Dragons-type game for his home computer and it was called... Akalabeth. This wasn't more than a tiled adventure game where you played a stick figure, moved around the map, killed monsters and explored dungeons but was pretty sophisticated in the 1970s - particuarly the 3D dungeon bashing.

Ultima IV introduced the idea of virtues - a code of ethics that you were encouraged to follow if you wanted to win the game. This was partly in response to criticisms that the original 3 games encouraged you to be a homicidal maniac in order to complete the games, but also because the last 3 games were all about killing some big nasty.

You, a traveller in the newly formed lands of Britannia, summoned from the world of Earth by Lord British, had to excel in all 8 virtues, complete a number of quests to become the Avatar, the paragon of virtue and find the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom, a book of er... wisdom which would allow you to essentially become a spiritual leader to the people of Britannia.

Ultima IV was the first real "plot" the series had beyond killing stuff, and you had to interact with townsfolk rather than rob them blind to solve the quests. It also finally created a Narniaesque connection to Britannia - you were meant to be yourself transported to the magic realm of Britannia, which I always found rather neat. You also had to gain companions native to Britannia - there was one for each virtue. The interaction was very primitive but a lot of important characters were introduced. In particular Iolo the Bard, a handy shot with the crossbow, Dupre - who would eventually be detailed as a paladin with a love for ale and women and Shamino - a ranger and spiritualist would become the "core three" companions, whilst the other five would feature in every other Britannia based Ultima, though they wouldn't always join you.

Ultima V was set a few months later after you completed your quest and returned to Earth. Time on Earth runs differently to Britannia so a few months on Earth amounted to several years on Britannia.

Ultima V explored the themes of religious fundamentalism and legislating morality. Lord British had gone missing, a new ruler, Lord Blackthorn assumed power and began issuing laws that made following the virtues compulsory (for example the Law of Honesty, if you lie you lose your tongue). 3 dark creatures that opposed the virtues, the Shadowlords, were roaming Britannia, you and your companions were declared outlaws. It was a bad time to be the Avatar, dude, and your mission is to return to Britannia, destroy the Shadowlords and find Lord British.

The original game was another tile based game with better graphics, more sophisticated conversations and a schedule system (e.g. people go off for lunch at noon, sleep all night etc.) but it was more recently remade using the Dungeon Siege engine, and is available here. Other than infinitely better dialog, full colour portraits for every character and a 3D engine that is infinitely less tiresome than the original tile game this game also now boasts a feature that those 60 Degrees North might appreciate - the ability to play as a complete git and rather than rescuing Lord British you can make him disappear permanently, becoming a thrall to the Shadowlords and Blackthorn and ruling Britannia with an iron fist. Not a good ending, trust me.

Ultima VI was the first "real" Ultima for me - still tile based, but sufficiently polished that it is still highly playable. It involved an alien race, known as the Gargoyles, who were invading Britannia and nearly sacrificed you on an altar with a sharp pointy dagger... you get the point? However it turns out the gargoyles aren't evil, just justifiably pissed off, and you have broker peace between them and the similarly understandably peeved off Britannians.

In Ultima VI conversations were very detailed with the denizens of Britannia, there are oodles of sidequests and a massive world to explore.

Ultima VII was the best of the series. It began the last trilogy in a trilogy of trilogies.

High on Hollywood: Highlander 2

Nice one.

Stuff I Like: Twin Peaks

Damn fine television and possibly my favorite TV show ever. It's what Lost aspires to be in, a more mainstream way. It's famous for the following surreal sequence, which was tacked on to the original pilot and has been lampooned in the Simpsons and beyond:-



It starts out as a murder mystery, where local homecoming queen Laura Palmer is murdered. The FBI is brought in, in the form of Special Agent Dale Cooper, a perky dictaphone wielding, cherry pie scrumming law enforcer who is doubtlessly the coolest TV character ever and guy-on-tv-I'd-most-want-to-be-in-real-life.

Dale Cooper has some odd methods of solving crimes, some of which I'm not sure are in the FBI handbook...



Eventually people got a little fed up waiting for the killer to be revealed:-



and once it was revealed the series got a little more surreal and a lot more directionless. But it was never dull.

The series finale was, for me, possibly one of the greatest ever season finales. Directed by Lynch (who reportedly threw away the script and made it all up) it ends on the worst (i.e. good) ever season cliffhanger - he didn't even bother to resolve any plot threads despite having known this was the last season for several episodes. I really wish they had made a third season as it would have been truly awesome to follow up on that finale, where Cooper descends into the Black Lodge and faces the evil that has plagued Twin Peaks.

Lynch did however intend to finish the show in a series of movies but unfortunately the movie Fire Walk With Me was sufficiently confounding and impenetrable that it bombed at the box office. David Lynch filmed it his way, even without the involvement of his other co-creator, and without any of the humour and cheerfulness that made the series so great. It's like when Grant and Naylor split up over Red Dwarf, it became apparent which one was the sci-fi guy and which one was the comedy guy as Red Dwarf became more space opera than funny.

FWWM had about 5 minutes of Dale Cooper in total, relegating the hero to a mere cameo role, not because of the story's prequel status but because Kyle Maclachlan was afraid of typecasting. A suspiciously similar character was created, causing continuity headaches as he investigated the earlier crimes the series implied Cooper had looked into. However as we know Dave is never one to compromise on his artistic vision *ahem*:-



Lesson #1: Finish your story before you do the prequel.

There are always rumours of a continuation of some sort, but with 16 years and counting I think it's more a case of wishful thinking on my part. However when Season 2 is released on DVD I shall get round to buying both seasons of my all-time favourite show. Season 1 was released 3 years or so ago.

Home on the Fringe

When last we left our hero he left Leicester a day late and drove himself and parent back to the sanity of Dundee, Scotland, making very good time and convincing said parent his 8 hour route was much better than the 11 hour one they had used in previous times.

After spending the week not really doing much other than mooching around, watching Hornblower, drinking at the local and generally not achieving much I went to the Edinburgh Fringe, which was fun. Last year I was irked when no sooner had I moved to Leicester than Serenity had its world premiere in the Edinburgh Festival and Mirrormask was also shown. This year there wasn't anything quite so "you must see me!" but Steve and I took in a couple of shows.

The first of these was Alice Through the Lookinglass in the suitably "ghetto" Bedlam Theatre. This was actually pretty good, with a young Alice and proved to be a suitably artsy production - I forgot how damn surreal the story was.

Back to the Futon was suitable fodder for the inner geek that I struggle to keep so well hidden. A stand-up comedy show with a scarily effective Christopher Lloyd look-alike and a funny comedian who may have made one too many Parkinson's jokes. We were slightly late in making it to the even more ghettoesque venue aptly named the Smirnoff Underbelly so we missed out on the raffle for the free ride in the Delorean.

Add in a smattering of Swedish magicians, acrobats and mime artist, a pizza buffet and London-expensive beer on the Royal Mile and it was an all round good day. Pictures may follow.

Flat V1.1 Patch Available!

My dad's been up visiting and so far I've introduced him to the Lord Keeper of the Seal and the Dry Dock for dinner and lunch last night respectively. Between us we've put up a bathroom cabinet and bookshelf and are going to start on some shelving at some point tonight. Already my storage capacity has tripled in the bathroom and we're also replacing some of the wonky fixtures that were already put into the flat by a monkey.

More father and son bonding to come, including the road trip home. Yippee...

Chad Vader Episode 2

No clones, but it is good. If you've not seen Episode 1, it's here...